A way of seeing.

Sunny Sunday. Frosty morning. Dog walking and playing with different filters on my phone camera.   

Sardine sardine tin challenge

This sardine tin has a story.
A long one that spans 13 years!!!!

It's a circle, a cycle. One of those roundy movements that takes you a hairs breadth away from where you started and a million miles all at the same time.
When I went to art college, aged 40, it was a very big deal for me. I was mightily scared and struggled to find my mojo. I went from an unquestioningly playful maker to angsty,worth seeking art student. The first piece of work that I did that meant anything to me and my tutor was in a very graphic style and black white red and grey. Ever since I have had a strong inclination toward and a soft spot for B,W,R,&and G.
It recurs.

In the run up to Christmas it gets busy in my studio/ shop. Yay, and then some.
At times my adrenaline goes kind of white water. Not good for decision making. Terrible for promise making.
Anyhoo, one occasion, this guy, and not your average guy,walks in and we discuss, at length, all sorts. Let me just clarify there is no flirty stuff.
No danger of it.
But he ain't your average dude and I recognise a moment where it may be possible to connect. The upshot is that he sets me a challenge. In other speak that could read as 'a commission'.
He likes the sardine tins and we agree that his needs could be met by a design that encompassed four seasons in one tin.
So I set to.
And I struggle.
And I make all kinds of colour clashing mixed up messes.
But I don't give up.
But I could.
It isn't life or death. This deal won't pay my mortgage or provide me with a retirement fund.
But ...if I don't work it out I deny something inside myself and I dismiss that connection.
So I carry on.
And the black, white,grey and red are a big part of the the final solution.
The end result pleases me and pleases him. But more than that it reminds me that the best reasons for making art/craft/design is not for money.
Yes I do have financial needs and yes I would love them to be met by me doing what gives me the biggest buzz but that buzz only happens when I am not motivated by money alone.
Now this might sound nutty but just to underline this re-realisation I gave the money to charity. To ,kind of,honour that lesson learned.
And this year I may well sell a lot less because I shall be making only that which gives me a buzz.
I am excited and feeling very free.

Chocolate box love.

For the first time in my life I have shown more interest in the chocolate box than in the chocolate itself. Those who know me well will likely respond to this statement with derisory laughter.


If I am honest I suppose it was with equal interest. This box did contain M&S Lindt-like truffles. Luscious.
But my sister-outlaw knows me well. She knew I would love the box. I am guessing I am not the only person in the universe who filled one with battery powered Christmas lights.

Around the bend

If the river leads always to the sea then one day, I suppose, around the next bend, things might open out considerably.
I guess that is hope.

Yet again on my morning dog walk I talked to myself.
Mostly whining.
Argh!

Negative self talk is such a burdensome beast.
And well within my control if I stay mindful.
But, so often I forget.
Ingrained patterns, lifelong habits, even when they do not serve you well, are hard to break.
One thing I learned last year is the power of gratitude. As a practice showing gratitude for even the smallest thing has the power to shift your focus like no other practice that I know.
But like every other practice one does actually have to practise.
Again forgetfulness. Though sometimes I wonder whether it is more an open act of rebellion. There is some comfort in those known old patterns.

Reflection

Row,row,row your boat, gently down the stream.
Merrily,merrily,merrily,merrily,life is but a dream.




These words fit these images and oddly this post!
I googled the lyric. Often simply sung to children, it is, apparently, a metaphor for the difficult choices in life. Referencing the self as boat and questionably suggesting just one direction.
There are many of us who paddle upstream out of necessity or perversity.




With the shortening days and the incoming cold 'tis time to reflect and reconsider direction, paddling technique.....and the creative impulse and where it has led this year.
My year's paddling has raked some weed from the riverbed.




One huge reedy, weedy patch has been the question of just what it is that I do and why do I do it? Arty, crafty-making-wise.

I had an epiphany.

Months ago.

Trying to draw a still life that I had set up and struggling to make my drawing look like the collection of loved objects artfully arranged I was immobilised by the pointlessness of my endeavour.
What I wanted was to dance some kind of flirty tango with the lines, the spaces,the colour in order to find something out, answer an unasked question, make something of my inner life visible.
Such an ego driven activity.
And the impulse to share it even more so.
This has been my year of sharing. Getting giggy with social media; etsy,Facebook, twitter, pinterest, etc.
Which brings me to the next patch of weed.
In some of the e-courses and forums I have been engaged in I have found an old feeling from school days resurface. The feeling of being out of step with my peers. Not being part of the in crowd. And before anyone says 'self pitying cow!' let me add that I am sure this has far more to do with my perception of the facts than the facts themselves.




That too has led me to understand that I put myself out there, showing my stuff and blogging my blurb, in order to discover those with whom I am in step.
To be continued around the next bend in the river.........